Effects for Children Exposed to Family Violence

Emotional

• Grief for family and personal losses
• Shame, guilt, and self blame
• Confusion about conflicting feelings toward parents
• Fear of: abandonment, expressing emotions, the unknown or injury
• Anger
• Depression and feelings of helplessness and powerlessness
• Embarrassment

Behavioral

• Refusing to go to school
• Care taking; acting as a parent substitute
• Lying to avoid confrontation
• Rigid defenses
• Excessive attention seeking
• Bedwetting and nightmares
• Reduced intellectual competency
• Manipulation, dependency, mood swings

Social

• Isolation from friends and relatives
• Difficulty in trusting, especially adults
• Poor anger management and problem solving skills
• Passivity with peers or bullying
• Engaged in exploitative relationships as perpetrator or victim

Physical

• Somatic complaints, headaches and stomachaches
• Nervous, anxious, short attention span
• Tired and lethargic
• Frequently ill
• Poor personal hygiene
• Regression in development
• High risk play
• Self abuse

Messages for Children

• Identify adults you can trust and talk to when something is happening in your house
• You don’t need to keep secrets when you feel sad or scared
• You are not to blame for the violence in your home when one parent hurts the other
• Do NOT get in the middle of a fight
• Identify escape routes from the house and where to meet outside
• Establish a code word to go to a safe place when things are escalating
• It’s okay to feel mixed up about things
• Anger and frustrations are okay, aggression is not
• It is okay to feel angry with mom and/or dad. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love them
• It is okay to like the abusive parent and at the same time not like them when they are violent and hurting family members
• You need to keep yourself safe when a parent is hurting the other parent
• There are ways you can help your parent:
• Call the police (911)
• Go to your safe place you have planned about before
• Go to a neighbor’s house
• Keep your younger brother/sister in a safe place

Tips for Communicating with Children

• Talk to children at their level
• Make eye contact but understand that they may not be able to do that with you
• Respect the child’s space and try to notice her/his level of comfort with your closeness or touch
• Speak slowly and simply
• Ask simple, age appropriate questions
• Engage in small talk to establish rapport
• Explain what is happening
• Let the child tell her/his story
• Believe the child
• Do not make promises that you cannot keep
• Reassure the child
• Be clear with the child about what information you will have to share with others
• When talking with children who are reluctant to speak, children generally feel less threatened if they have a favorite stuffed animal or toy to relate to
• Be honest—use caution about sharing too much

C Call 911
A Avoid getting trapped in small places
R Remember to bring your brother/sister with you
E Escape to a safe place

If you suspect child abuse and neglect than you can call New Hampshire DCYF at (800) 894-5533 (in-state) or (603) 271-6562. If you need support with this process you can contact us.

Voices Against Violence are mandated to report suspected child abuse or neglect.