Effects for Children Exposed to Family Violence
Emotional
- Grief for family and personal losses
- Shame, guilt, and self blame
- Confusion about conflicting feelings toward parents
- Fear of: abandonment, expressing emotions, the unknown or injury
- Anger
- Depression and feelings of helplessness and powerlessness
- Embarrassment
Behavioral
- Refusing to go to school
- Care taking; acting as a parent substitute
- Lying to avoid confrontation
- Rigid defenses
- Excessive attention seeking
- Bedwetting and nightmares
- Reduced intellectual competency
- Manipulation, dependency, mood swings
Social
- Isolation from friends and relatives
- Difficulty in trusting, especially adults
- Poor anger management and problem solving skills
- Passivity with peers or bullying
- Engaged in exploitative relationships as perpetrator or victim
Physical
- Somatic complaints, headaches and stomachaches
- Nervous, anxious, short attention span
- Tired and lethargic
- Frequently ill
- Poor personal hygiene
- Regression in development
- High risk play
- Self abuse
Messages for Children
- Identify adults you can trust and talk to when something is happening in your house
- You don’t need to keep secrets when you feel sad or scared
- You are not to blame for the violence in your home when one parent hurts the other
- Do NOT get in the middle of a fight
- Identify escape routes from the house and where to meet outside
- Establish a code word to go to a safe place when things are escalating
- It’s okay to feel mixed up about things
- Anger and frustrations are okay, aggression is not
- It is okay to feel angry with mom and/or dad. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love them
- It is okay to like the abusive parent and at the same time not like them when they are violent and hurting family members
- You need to keep yourself safe when a parent is hurting the other parent
- There are ways you can help your parent:
- Call the police (911)
- Go to your safe place you have planned about before
- Go to a neighbor’s house
- Keep your younger brother/sister in a safe place
Tips for Communicating with Children
- Talk to children at their level
- Make eye contact but understand that they may not be able to do that with you
- Respect the child’s space and try to notice her/his level of comfort with your closeness or touch
- Speak slowly and simply
- Ask simple, age appropriate questions
- Engage in small talk to establish rapport
- Explain what is happening
- Let the child tell her/his story
- Believe the child
- Do not make promises that you cannot keep
- Reassure the child
- Be clear with the child about what information you will have to share with others
- When talking with children who are reluctant to speak, children generally feel less threatened if they have a favorite stuffed animal or toy to relate to
- Be honest—use caution about sharing too much
C Call 911
A Avoid getting trapped in small places
R Remember to bring your brother/sister with you
E Escape to a safe place
If you suspect child abuse and neglect than you can call New Hampshire DCYF at (800) 894-5533 (in-state) or (603) 271-6562. If you need support with this process you can contact us.
Voices Against Violence are mandated to report suspected child abuse or neglect.